How to make a book with Alberto

Madrid, February 2000 and 2024

Its been over 24 years now, since we had started the project of doing a book together. But after we separated, the negatives and contact sheets were stored away and forgotten about. Only a couple of weeks ago, when scanning 337 negatives in two nights in a row, everything came back alive again. And I decided to go back to Madrid to stay with Alberto and give it another go. As good friends who are passionate about photography.

The photographic project, carried out between 2000 and 2003, is a personal and intimate diary that represents an extract of my life with the character and my partner at the time, Alberto Garcia-Alix. It shows a time when analogue photography was still predominant, even if it was already in its last gasps.

During the first trip we made together to Budapest, in the summer of 2000, my first Hasselblad I had just bought was stolen, and without blinking twice, Alberto spontaneously gave me his in an act of immense generosity. I still have it to this day. But the greatest gift he gave me, apart from his friendship, companionship and love, was his teaching. From then on, my world existed only through the viewfinder of the Hasselblad 6x6 and the Kodak Portra 400 colours.

Our relationship began as a road movie, accompanied by the camera. Portraying each other, our friends and the world around us. Our intensity to squeeze the moment to the maximum like a lemon, which often hurt, kept us active and creative. It made us accomplices and enemies at the same time. The cruel reality of a complicated life has taken us far beyond what we had imagined. All based on creativity and love. The only thing that mattered to us.

From the beginning, I was fascinated by colour photography, where I found it easier to find my own photographic language, as Alberto's influence is evident and unavoidable.

Without being fully aware of it, I created a document that bears witness to an era that no longer exists. I recognise it especially in the images of Formentera - the place where we met and where I returned three years ago. Of course with that Hasselblad in my hands.

Creatively working remote

Anywhere at anytime 2020-2024

Ever since I got this laptop, beginning of pandemic, it has been stuck to me day and night. Traveling around, and being able to work continuously for the newspaper, I consider as pure luxury. This sophisticated item has become indispensable. It stands way beyond the monetary value and contributes to my personal freedom. Freedom of choosing the life I decided to lead.

The entire book I released two years ago, had been written on it. Whenever I am on duty, no matter under which circumstances, it comes to function at it‘s best. Thanks to the mobile phone hot spot and available WiFi connenctions. Airports, cafes, hostels, beaches, boats, road crossings, parking lots, beds, rocky cliffs or the southamerican jungle have been it’s playground so far. Every now and so often, I need to plug it onto the system in the publisher‘s office in Berlin and reset or update some stuff, clean it from sand, salt and bread crumbs. The only danger this silver piece of aluminium has to confront is actually me. For instance when I, by mistake, erased all my personal data on it, data from the past fifteen years. Yes, it was a bitter pill to swallow, I know ! Or undergoing countless times airport security checks, heavy rain, high humidity or unbearable heat.

I behaved sometimes irresponsible, knowing that I had to work but still went off for an early morning fishing trip. Couldn’t resist when watching sunrise on the boat, in silence, with the fishing rod in my hand and laptop stored away in a water resistent bag beside my feet. I did miss out on a couple of conference calls because of connectivity loss. Same when going for a swim in a cave and circumstances were absolutely not the most appropriate to work in. Airports or the Apple Store in Berlin were way better. Just once, it was a little tricky when I had to take an important group call, the minute I stepped onto the arrival hall after shuttle bus dropped me off. I quickly opened up laptop and teams app, sat on the floor and did a whole presentation of about 30 minutes length. While new passengers kept arriving with other shuttle buses one after another. The backround noises must have been so hard to swallow for my colleagues, I assume.

In the Apple Store in Berlin, I spent a whole afternoon working with my colleagues on an investigative reportage about a specific incident that ocurred during the recent war between Palestine and Israel. For the time being, I waited for my new iphone to be re-installed with old and new data. Various young, efficient employees were in charge with all their IT knowledge I was lacking of. Basically, I had no clue.

My friend Thomas came to bring me gums and cookies because my nose was stuck to the screen. Could not leave, as this reportage was far too important and I did not pay much attention to anything that happened around me.

Costa Rica was tough as of the high amount of humidity in the jungle, but a technical test bench will be held next time I get back to Berlin. Doctor‘s visits included.

General check-up for laptop and Pam!

Familiy in da house

Portugal, January 2024

It could not have been a better family reunion than this one. Celebrating both New Year‘s Eve together, aswell as our mother‘s 80th birthday a couple of days later. And, finally, receiving the keys to my very first house ever, as property owner. My co-owner and brother-from-another-mother Joseph was absent, because he went to see his mom and dad in the US, of course.

We spent day and night together, without getting on our nervs. What an amazing progress this is, in comparism to our last reunion full of drama, two years ago in Rio de Janeiro. This time its all about cooking, eating, cleaning, reading, chilling, crying, discussing, talking, sleeping, hugging, sun bathing, listening… but most of all - laughing! And lots and lots of love.

Unbearable, overloading love expressed in various discussion rounds to clear out issues, pending since decades. Deborah made a fire ceremony on our last evening in the garden of our rented house in the country side. She loves it so much and we all respect that. Although its not really my cup of tea. But on the other hand, her and me followed a morning ritual that consisted in swimming in the ice cold pool in the garden, while Guggi and Mama watched us from the kitchen window with a hot tea cup in between their hands, the two frostbites.

I am not surprised my family fell in love with Portugal aswell and likes my house. During our stay, I keep following up with Joseph and Marcio, our builder, with the last pending things to be done in the house. Before entering and being able to sleep on matresses on the floor, we need the wood burner and boiler - for water and floor heating - to be installed. Kitchen and bathroom utilities, and further reduced furniture will come next, probably around february.

My mom really enjoys our daily walks on the beach, every day a different one. We all do of course, but I am especially glad for her. Because she lives in Berlin, far away from the sea, in contrary to us daughters in Rio de Janeiro or Formentera and Portugal. Apart from the savage wilderness of the ocean, its the entire untouched nature that gets her, she, who claimed herself a downtown city woman all her life. Although she brought us up in Ecuador‘s beaches and jungles in the 70ties, rustic country life with no electricity nor running water system in Formentera in the 80ties. Depended on candles, chimney fire and water buckets pulled up from the well.

Variety of circumstances at its best. From wealthy to poor, civilisation to nature and back, endless amount of different schools and homes, different step fathers and languages…. this is what came out. Three adult independent sisters, getting their shit together and living exactly the life they want. Thanks to a strong mom, who did the best she could as an independent woman without any help of the three different fathers. Including neglection and loading far too many responsibilities on our little children shoulders. But this is what we got.

The sweet and sour candy of life!

Stuck to my stick

Sevilla, December 2023

Unfortunately, I had to leave behind my stick - collected in the jungle of Costa Rica - when flying back to Spain. As I had gotten so used to balancing out my discomfort during walking, relying on that little piece of wood, I craved for it’s replacement. Therefore, Stefano and I went on a mission, in search for the right stick with it‘s appropiate handle, in the old town of Sevilla.

We both met in Sevilla, him arriving from Formentera and me from Madrid, to spend two romantic nights together, before being apart from each other again, for another month. Because I was on my way to Portugal to meet my familiy, and him to Italy soon after.

It was a real mission, because gentleman‘s stores are not to be found in abundance. We asked people around, neglecting the tourist souvenir shops with thousands of colourful fans, castanets and flamenco dresses, to finally spot my new stick at the right place.

Once accomplished, we switched into tourist mode aswell and got lost in the narrow streets of the old city center, sunny main squares full of horse-drawn carriages, with phones at hand, ready to photograph, film or google search. These three marvellous korean ladies in front of the glamorous Hotel Alfonso XIII were a little suspicious, when I asked them to pose for me, but did giggle joyfully when looking at the results. I did not understand a word and left with a dum smile. Maybe the giggles were caused by a secret picture they shot of me, taking the piss out of european species. We both thought of each other as figures coming out of a cartoon anyway…

Next morning at the bus station, when waiting for the early bus towards Faro Airport, Stefano called me urgently from the Hotel because I had forgotten my laptop in the room. He shooted off in taxi to drop it off in my hands, just in time before departures.

He instead, spent hours at the airport with departure delay of his flight. At the end, he had to stay overnight in Barcelona because he missed his connection flight to Ibiza. All alone during New Year‘s Eve in an empty Airport Hotel, supplied by the Airline.

Mama, Deborah, Guggi and I arrived at the house, totally wrecked, cause none of us had slept since 24 hours, and still went on with programm of food shopping, cooking dinner and private kitchen dance party, until collapsing an hour before midnight into bed.

Happy New Year

Humble in the Jungle

Costa Rica, December 2023

A couple of months ago, I decided to participate in a jungle residency programm on a Yogafarm in Pavones. It consists in a mixture of payment and work for accomodation, food and yoga lessons within a closed group of guests and their hosts. Already in 2018, I had visited this very remote place, when travelling during full raining season. I discovered the Yogafarm on a hike up the hill on my way to the indigenous village, but it was closed. Back then, I knew, one day I shall come and stay.

I love the life on the farm in the middle of the jungle right from the start! This rustic life style with outdoor eco- toilet cabins, garden cultivation, ecological use of water resource and do-it-yourself handlings of all kinds is not very different from life in Formentera. Actually, its more luxurious because of conventional electricity supply instead of pure solar energy system like Stefano has.

The major difference consists in flora and fauna. For instance, being woken up by impressive early morning monkey howling, instead of red and golden sunshine on my bed. Or the caution on the paths, in the garden and basically everywhere, not to step on poisoness snakes. My biggest fear! Every night, I stumble out towards the toilet with my stick in the hand, making sure those misterious creatures of the night get out of my way. The bright shining headlamp attracting all kinds of flying animals like bats, enormous moths and a trillion mosquitos, that circle around my head.

Its so biblical to grab ripe exotic fruits in abundance from the trees or harvest a bunch of ginger and tumeric roots in the Garden of Eden. And many other jungle plants unknown to me. Of course, bananas are found all over the place. Aswell as huge pomelos rotting away on the pathway that fall off their tree above.

A variety of duties are distributed amongst the people every week in different turns. Handling the compost, watering the garden, trail maintenance, fruit picking, toilet cleaning or cooking. I basically stay stuck to the toilet maintenance during the whole stay because of my loss of smell. Everybody is happy not to do it and I dont care at all. Franziska, the only other german girl - amongst americans and one suisse girl - helpes me to finish the outdoor jungle shower. We build a paravent with huge banana leaves weaved in between bamboo sticks stuck in the muddy earth. Our beautiful work does not last long, as an armada of hyper busy ants eat up the leaves and carry piece by piece back into the dense forest along a huge highway of ants.

Another detail much more challenging though, is living in community with people I have not chosen nor met before. Spending so much time together and getting to know each other quite well in such a short and intense amount of time is totally new to me.

But we are so lucky that the group constellation is harmonious, respectful, empathetic and polite. And so interesting! I truly enjoy it! Although in the beginning, I buzzed off a couple of times to go either fishing, taking long walks on the beach or simply hang around on my own. But then I started seeking for company to be integrated. Its such an interesting observation on social behaviour and anthropological study on human kind. I love it! Feeling good in my skin to have growen out of my comfort zone.

On the other hand, I am so glad having booked that fishing escape. Otherwise, I would have never caught my first tuna fish ever. So happy and exciting! On top watching loads of dolphins jumping out of the water.

By the end of our stay, we celebrate christmas together like an exotic constellation of new a built family. Each one of us feeling enormously happy and blessed to be here.

Humble in the jungle

The Cat‘s Claw

Costa Rica, December 2023

About three month ago, I had decided to spend the month of december, over christmas, in the jungle. Back then, I was desperately searching for a solution to quit the medication, blaming it of being the source of my discomfort. Suffering from sleeplessness, inner restlessness, drastic mood changes ( suddenly, bursting out in tears!), hairloss, gaining tummy… you name it. I was hoping to find an alternative in the ancient medicine of the rain forest.

Finally, I was told during Menorca Yoga Festival, when being surrounded by lots of women in their end 40ties beginning 50ties, that these symptoms simply mean the bloody Pre-Menopause phase has begun! I had absolutely no clue about it. Puh! So happy not to be worried anymore about finding a solution to replace the medication. It made the discomfort of sudden mood changes disappear straight away! Only sometimes I suddenly cry for two minutes for no reason and stop as if nothing had happened. But at least I had gained back control over myself and could not be more relieved.

So there I was, with the flight tickets to Costa Rica, and a reservation in a jungle residence programm in a Yoga Farm in one of the most remote places called Pavones. Of course I packed my little bag, filled up with loads of pills, powders and drops to do a real intense detox, two pairs of shorts and shirts, laptop and rainboots (to protect from snakes). I was really excited to go back to the place I had been five years ago, when off on a surf trip during raining season.

Although it took two days to get there, I knew it was the right decision when arriving to this lost paradise above the hills in the middle of the jungle. I am trilled by the Yoga Shala’s most spectacular view on the ocean and the forest. Waking up by the sound of the monkeys at 5 am, hiking up and down the very steep hill road to get to the beach and watching the sunset with the sound of the animals surrounding me, brought me back to the roots.

I asked Jesús, a local cowboy working on the Yoga Farm, to please take on a search for a specific thorny vine, that grows in the rain forest. Its roots and bark are very useful in alternative medicine. For instance they work against cancer tumors, strengthen the immune system, or help the brain-nerv-cells to stay away from the notorious alpha-synuclein proteins trying to kill them. Like in my case. But they also fight against virus and contain antioxidant and anti-inflammatory properties. This very popular natural remedy, was given the name after its thorny lianas, looking like a „Cat‘s Claw“.

Jesús picked me up on his horse and we went on a treck towards the indigenous village up the hill, where he had spottet a vine. With his machete he scraped or cut out very delicately some bark for me and made sure I would not fall down the steep slope we were at. He is actually taking this remedy aswell, only processed in drops but uses this opportunity to start a treatment like I will do: in a tea pot.

On the way back, he tells me all these horrible stories about the local poisonous snakes killing relatives and friends from his community. I listen with mouth and eyes wide open, fully concentrated watching my steps not to slide down the steep and unsteady road towards my temporary home.

The following day, I will spend hours scraping off, layer by layer with an old knife, the goodies from inside the bark. Sitting on the floor of the exotic jungle kitchen at the Yoga Farm is exactly where I wanted to be. And nowhere else.

Searching for Fisherman

Lanzarote, November 2023

This journey has been a real hight light in many ways.

To start with, Stefano and I made the experience of traveling in a caravan for the first time ever. On top, we managed extremely well the couple life, being nonstop together for 24 hours during 5 days. Which is quite a challenge for two independent people like us, who need alot of air and space.

On the other hand, we had lots of fun looking for a fisherman to take us out on excursion into the Atlantic Ocean. Because the fishing trip booked in advanced, had been cancelled due to major mechanical problems on the boat. And the spare part of replacement would not arrive, day after day. This is what it‘s like, to live on an island. Yes, we know…

We crossed whole Lanzarote, driving from port to port in search for our man, by observing the scenery and talking to locals. Especially the small locations - with layed back rythmn of life, empty roads, old fishing buildings, boats in a parking lot in front of a volcano, or parked right in front of the houses, as if they were cars - were our points of interest.

The marine harbours were filled with a huge variety of sailing boats, as the Canary Islands are the number one stopover, when ocean crossing from Europe to the Americas and back.

Of course, we did visit the national park of volcanos and were absolutely gobsmacked by this disturbingly beautiful landscape of stone desert. And I do remember it from my last visit in 2017, during a two-week surftrip on my own, when going through a difficult period of post-diagnosis. I was struggling with myself, having some down moments. And it did not help at all - when hiking up and down the volcanos by sunset as much as I could - to listen to some real weird experimental jazz/fusion music. Will never forget that state I was in, back then. But fit as a fiddle! Strange days.

This time, it was all about sight seeing, fishing, sleeping by the ocean in the caravan, eating loads of good food and drinking far too much wine with Stefano‘s friends Kiki and Serena. They had recently moved from Formentera to Lanzarote and just finished renovating their house in the old town of Teguise. We spent every evening with them and another couple of italians on a visit. All Stefano‘s old friends from Genova.

At the end, we arrived tired and wrecked, with a cold and sore throat back to Formentera, not used to having dinner parties five days in a row. But happy as hell of having done some live fishing in depth. And I caught my first big fish - a palamita! Great challenge.

Xaro never wants to leave Valencia

Valencia, October 2023

Every time I meet up with Xaro, it seems like we spent a whole week together, although it was just a five-hour-long afternoon and evening. Ever since we met, twenty three years ago in Alberto‘s house in Madrid, we became exceptionally good friends. And Alberto, the photographer, soon after became my partner.

Xaro and I did lots of naughty things together and experimented around like hell, either trying to make money or simply living life to the fullest. But otherwise, Xaro, the Queen of Valencia, does not like to leave her city at all. Except for having gone to live in Los Angeles for a couple of month because she started going out with a Rock Star. What a bloody miracle it was, she came to my wedding in Berlin sixteen years ago!

Anyway, I had just come from a five-day fasting retreat in the mountains to spend a night in Valencia for an intensive full -day Iyengar Yoga practice. This Yoga style is, to my concern, the most challenging and therapeutic one. Especially if being instructed by a Madame Rottweiler, like in this case. Only opted for strictly disciplined students who accept hairs on their teacher‘s teeth! I must admit, I really suffered. Even had some tears rolling down my cheeks. But asked for a private one-to-one class straight after class. Just because it does really help me physically, which is the only matter that counts.

A week ago, the idea of doing a group fasting retreat popped up spontaneously, as I was again having problems with nausea caused by the medication. A total reset seemed the best idea to get things back straight, including the hydro-colon-treatment. Also, I wanted to get away from drinking too many glasses of white wine every night, to overcome my insomnia. It did not really work anyway and I was rather becoming a silent alcoholic.

Five days of drinking juice, water and sauerkraut broth showed much better results. The retreat was held in a remote house on top of the hilly backlands of Valencia. It was fully booked out and I shared a room with an elder lady from Madrid. In fact, most of the participants were Oldies but Goldies and knew each other from former retreats held in this place, being run by an Association. I am so endlessly thankful to this group, who inspired me going hiking up and down the mountains, especially when starting at seven in the morning in total darkness, to walk back during sunrise. What a beautiful experience. They were so fit and inspiring, open hearted and cheerful. Very, very nice group.

During most of the other group sessions, such as meditation, stretching or talks, I was brilliant in my absence. Either because of work ( yes, I did go on working! ) or because I needed my space and be alone. I even ended up sleeping in the meditation room with the view in photograph below.

I took Xaro out for dinner and ate my first food after fasting - vegetarian sushi rolls. What an excitement! Everything can be so amazingly exciting. It is simply a matter of looking at things in the right perspective.

What is YOUR excitement of the day?

Back on track with Surf!

Portugal, August and September 2023

On a visit to my new second home in Portugal, I spent a week in august with five kids, two teenagers and five adults on vacation. My friend Uli rented them his house with pool and all the necessary facilities for the whole month. I just popped by during my duty on checking the building site of my own little house, which‘s finishing is not coming to an end yet. I rather not take it as a frustrating but normal procedure, that construction issues take time and time and time…

The more important fact is that I had been able to play around in the waves again! After more than a year, since my travel with Guggi to Itamambuca Beach in Brazil, I got over my fear and started all over again in the white waters training my pop up and having so much fun together with Tamsin, Ivan and their kids! I loved it.

So much, that I repeated when coming back in September for another week, when meeting up with my friend Mirjam who had travelled in her Van, all the way down from Berlin. She looked so happy in her Camper Van, surfing, discovering new spots and getting to know interesting people living on the road. Whereas I did not see much progress in my house since last month, being the reason I had actually come for.

Nevertheless, I spent some phantastic days with Mirjam, who came to stay with me in the house with the pool. She accompanied me going through some unexpected emotional crisis I was going thru, before slowly pushing myself back into „tough cookie“- state.

Cooling down, freshing up

San Sebastián, July 2023

Jahmila’s birthday present to her father Stefano was a perfect escape from the unbearable heat. She gave us tickets for a venue of Cirque du Soleil in San Sebastian, back in april. I immediately had booked flight and Hotel, with a little concern if that would be the right thing to do in the middle of july - a city trip at high season, full of people and hot as hell. But it turned out to be the best thing ever! Apart from an amazing show, la crème de la crème of worldwide selected acrobats, we enjoyed so much the refreshing 20 degrees Celsius, coming from brain-melting temperatures on Formentera. The lush and green landscapes and cloudy sky were a relief to our eyes, although the locals complaint about a continuous cloudy and rainy summer.

An escape of routine in Formentera. Yes, although living in paradise, I have a daily routine of work, errants and duties to fulfill, like anywhere else. On top, I try to avoid the tourist masses on the island. It‘s actually quite annoying and dangerous to deal with all those scooter drivers, who don‘t know how to drive and occupy the whole street or suddenly stop and hit you with their umbrella, placed vertical between the male driver and the female co-driver doing selfies in bikini. Most tourists don‘t have the sensibility for local ordinary life style and think that everything and everywhere is vacation.

In San Sebastian, it was suddenly us being tourists. We had rented a scooter for a day, to visit a beautiful fishing village outside of town. As by mistake, we took wrong turns and made totally prohibited u-turns, crossing zebra stripes, driving against one-direction signs or just simply stood aside and checking on google maps, we challenged the local’s patient as little. Stefano did the full Napoli - driving - style!

And, as proper tourists, we strolled around the old town, holding each other‘s hands for better balance and did what Oldies do: finding a bench or a bar/cafe to sit and have a rest every 30 minutes. Our back hurts, if walking too long because this limping business can be challenging after all. We ate lots of “Pintxos“ in the old town’s bars, totally justified as cultural heritage and watched the fisherman at work in the small bay beside La Concha.

At one point, I followed an elder gentleman, dressed in a tailored suit, and asked him where he got his beautifully handcrafted walking stick from. He showed me the hidden spearhead in the stick‘s handle and the evening began it’s course. He sat down with us for a drink and held a two hour monologue about his family background, how he met his wife who passed away, the basque identity, basque history, german philosophers and the best wine in the world - of course basque.

We ended up silently nodding after every story, too tired to interrupt. But it remained a very interesting evening. I will probably end up like this aswell, talking my guts out to younger generations, fiddling around with an old glamorous walking stick, without a spearhead but a green emerald between my fingers.

The german Nanny is back in town

Barcelona, June 2023

*** Published 6 weeks too late! ***

What had started as a 10th wedding anniversary gift, has become every year‘s procedure. Spending a week in June with the girls of Tamsin and Ivan, means they can buzz off alone on vacation once a year.

During those days, I had the girls more or less to myself, besides the days at school, the Ballett classes, piano lessons, volley ball, art class etc. They follow a tight schedule during the week, those girls, meanwhile I worked for the news magazine.

But we seized the time during weekend. On saturday, for instance, we went to a skate park -fully equipped with skates and cameras - had loads of ice cream, went nonsense shopping in a kid’s store, watched movies with sweet ‘n salty popcorn and relaxed to the max.

On sunday, we visited the Museo Marítimo, where a guy, dressed up as Indiana Jones, gave us a private treasure hunting tour through the museum. The girls were fascinated by his adventurous secret tour, hiding away from the other museum visitors and sneaking out through staff doors into restricted zones. He explained us how these beautiful war ships of the 14th century, the spanish galleys, were run by the enduring work of slaves, rowing to total exhaustion and controlled by brutal and sadistic overseers. Indiana Jones made me put on a leather coat with a huge whip. I had to pretend whipping the girls to work harder, as they pretended to be slaves. Better he did not know I was german. Too much political incorrectness at a time. Later on, we ran and jumped through the whole Museum fighting an imaginary war ship battle, whistling the sound of canons and rifles. We totally ignored the other visitor‘s reactions.

We ended up eating take-away Sushi in the park by the Ramblas, surrounded by thousands of pigeons waiting for the left overs. What a wonderful day!

Being filmed

Formentera, May 2023

It started already about a month ago in Berlin, when a team of a german public television broadcasting company had began to follow me with the camera for a documentary film about my person and my particular way of dealing with Parkinson.

In Berlin, they filmed during the neurologist‘s visit when talking about the new start of medication treatment. Aswell, they came to a specific box training amongst other Parki-Buddies called neuro-boxing. And, of course, to my mom‘s place.

The team consisted of three guys -director, camera and sound- enjoying very much the idea of shooting for five days on Formentera for this project, a month later. Although it was a big challenge to let a camera from the outside world into my private daily life, I somehow enjoyed those intense and demanding five days. No clue why I did it, but as committed, I had to continue fulfilling my duties. Probably, it was just curiosity again to try out something new! Poor Deborah, my mom and Stefano. They were not that curious but got highly involved in this, being interviewed and filmed. I apologize for the intrusion.

Nevertheless, the guys were discreet, sweet and easy to hang around with. They left the island with a nice sun tan and a very relaxed mood, to come back in august/september for the finishing shoot.

To be continued…

Becoming a mermaid

Formentera, May 2023

Spontaneously, I decided to participate in a course, led by my friend and neighbour Danila, to become a mermaid. In fact, to become one of the first mermaids of Formentera. Danila had just gained her instructor license, given by International Dive Training Agency SSI, and directly applied her skills on us, six excited women friends. Deborah had just returned from Berlin the night before, with lack of sleep and too much work behind, to jump straight into the cold water with me. With leg and feet squeezed in a fishtail and monofin.

It is still too cold to maintain longer than 30 minutes in the water, without a wetsuit. But enough to learn how to breath, decompress the air, duck dive, use fin and core to move smoothly forward, or bending backwords, playing around in figure diving, immersed in the blue paradisiac sea world.

It feels so natural. I immediately shoot off like never done anything else then mermaid swimming. My degenerated mobility radius suddenly does not exist anymore, it’s amazing! Everything works well, besides diving too deep cause of delicate ear situation (lack of balance and former ear infection). The boat from the local diving center takes us back to the port, with happy faces all over the places.

Deborah and I enjoyed a lot spending time with Alejandra, a friend from childhood on Formentera with german/spanish roots and former schoolmate from Debo. We had lost track within the past decades and took the opportunity to get close again. Being like little mermaids in our mid/end 40ties feels brilliant! So good.

Next day, we train various rescue situations in shallow waters and do the theoretical test on the beach. Some of us buy a monofin or mermaid bathing suit, like me, and hang around gaining back a normal body temperature under a cloudy sky. It was more than worth it, the shivering and shaking and I usually take a little longer to get rid of shaking like hell. Parki style. But would not want to exclude a minute of this wonderful weekend experience.

Shaky Shaky!

Finally, it happened…

Empordá / Catalunya, April 2023

It‘s been over six weeks since my last blog post and many things occurred since.

First of all, I was not aware until now, how miserable I felt because of the ongoing deterioration and decreasing of my mobility radius. I spent three weeks in Berlin doing errants, meeting various doctors to find out about an alarming blood test result with all kinds of anemia which caused this constant fatigue, lack of power, lack of balance and danger of falling. B12, Iron and D3 was given in highly concentrated doses, one of them dripping for an hour slowly into my vain.

One of the other medical visits was more than overdue : my neurologist. I dragged myself into his clinic to talk about a proper start of medical treatment, as my tentative tries in the past were not successful and given up soon, thanks to heavy nausea and insomnia. I was then confronted with probabilities of other important side effects but what the hell! I wanna be able to move again without pain and such high restriction. Desperately seeking for smoothness in my body! So fucking tired of stiffness, of hip and back pain. This is the reason why I spent far too much time laying around and doing only one efficient thing: working on two laptops for a newspaper, a news magazine and a corporate publishing agency.

It took a while for the medication to start doing its effect, as I augmented the dosing very slowly week by week. And then, finally it happened! My mood changed, I started feeling a little normal again. No, actually like reborn! Such a relief to be normal. Being able to walk from A to B, or using my left hand for making tea in the morning. Still limping but not as much, hip is rotating smoother and back pain is gone.

Meanwhile, I had returned to Formentera and left again for a weekender to attend my best friend Tamsin’s birthday party in the country house nearby Girona. Tamsin took me on her morning run routine, me on a bicycle beside her, she on the run. It did so good to pedal up and down the hills, in this stunning country side during spring time. Red poppy fields, stone oak forests and a shining blue sky brings so much happiness! Tamsin‘s daughters played football in the garden with the kids of other invited friends and we jumped in the pool or chilled in the sun. What a life! Everything is better with a functioning body.

Please take care of your body as much as you can and never take health for granted. Wishing you a wonderful spring. Enjoy!

The sailing Parki-Sister

Formentera, March 2023

The first email received from Annika was last year during her stay in A Coruña in Galicia on her sailing boat. She was in the middle of reading a chapter in my book where I talk about my stay in A Coruña, and decided to get in touch with me.

She got diagnosed two years ago, aged only 52. Another vital and active women confronting Parkinson‘s, totally out of the blue. What is this bloody pandemic amongst relatively young people about? That neurodegenerative disease is really getting on our nerves!

Annika and her husband Bernd travel on sailing boats since 2006, participating in regattas and discovering the world in seven seas. I admire them, but especially Annika, who is struggling with loss of balance and stiffness like me. How does she manage under these circumstances? She wrote me again when in Faro, in case I would be in Portugal for a meeting up. But I maintained on the island.

So now, two days ago, they stopped by in Formentera during their travels through the mediterranean and we could finally meet up. They took me sailing from Mitjorn Beach to Cala Sahona on a sunny and windy afternoon and we had enough time to exchange our thoughts, experiences, doubts and all kinds of issues related. She even let me try on her latest discovery of a nerv-cell protecting method, created by a tasmanian medical practitioner and an electronic engineer. A so called Coronet to be put on the scalp, to produce an LED- light therapy. I love it, what a wonderful afternoon! We are totally on the same wavelength, trying out everything, no matter if it works or not. Because you never know how easy the brain can be tricked.

By sunset, I take her along to my yoga group class, where she easily gets on her head stand, after not having practiced for more than 8 months. Probably hard to do so on a shaky surface, right? Meanwhile her husband Bernd walks their deaf dog until sun disappears behind the ocean line.

Beautiful life. All good.

Handywoman, Handyman

Formentera, February 2023

Deborah and Stefano work with their hands every day. Either its sanding, painting, repairing, fixing or simply carrying around stuff. Making things work in the house, on the roof, in the garden, on the car, on the bicycle… anything. They just know how to use their hands.

My handy times are definitely over. Since I need to ask for help even when opening a jar of olives or fiddling around with tedious little items in between my fingers like garlic. Try not to remember how strong and self sufficient I used to be, carrying around washing machines, if needed, and doing absolutely everything by myself. But I rather enjoy what I am still able to do. Like working on my laptop to make a living or having all sorts of ideas and new projects to fulfill.

Just started an online course to achieve a boat license. The theory lessons three times a week are already quite demanding because of the huge amount of material I need to learn for the theoretical certification test. So much stuff! It‘s like going back to school. The practical test on the sailing boat will be the next step further ahead in april or may. Actually totally crazy to do so, for someone who lost balance and stability. But anyway, I don‘t care.

Recently, I bought myself a second hand car, quite a big one, with enough space in the booth to transport stuff around. Like bicycles, fishing gear or rubbish to be chucked. Deborah and I covered the steering wheel with a bright red false fur and a collection of match box cars to be glued on the front dashboard. The seats wear red/black lycra protection covers and Deborah will look for the appropriate colorful blankets and cushions. This red old Renault 307 will be called Gonzo from now on. What a pity, Stefano is not very amused by Gonzo‘s cozy and fluffy steering wheel. Let‘s see what he thinks about a wiggling naked barbie doll hanging from the mirror….

Pimp up the car, pimp it up!

Addictions

Formentera, January 2023

Who else would not get addicted to jump in that sea? We have been keeping up with daily swims the whole year through, with water temperatures going down to 15 degrees, so far. It does not sound cold but it is, I swear. Especially when it‘s windy. And it will get colder in february/march, after the rains and storms have passed thru.

As long as your body gets used to that cold shock at first, you start swimming and breathing with calmness. Then you can stay in there forever. Naked I mean, no wetsuit. You feel indestructible when walking out of the water, like Phoenix out of the ashes. And I need that so much! This feeling of being indestructible, strong, healthy, invulnerable. Not only me, as well others get addicted to this feeling, like my boyfriend Stefano, my sister Deborah in the above picture or my brother from another mother Joseph, who runs around in t-shirt and shorts all day. Or naked as usual.

Stefano is more and more addicted or passionate about fishing, since he lost that huge big 7 kg beauty off the hook, about two weeks ago. He spends mornings and afternoons in the sea. And lately, he sits in the evenings in front of the chimney watching youtube tutorials, to improve his technique. I filmed him that day of the beast’s loss, instead of helping him to get it on the boat. Stupid, proud, useless wife. In fact, that day on the boat, I took my laptop with me because I was on duty and needed to participate in the morning conference call of my newspaper. Of course, camera and microphone off and on silent. When I suddenly heard Stefano fighting with this huge amberjack. There was no time to react but to film, with laptop on my knees. Shit.

Deborah is very busy with her 3-year-long lasting phytotherapy and homeopathy studies. And Joseph keeps working on his new start up project day and night. He came to stay for the winter in Formentera, to concentrate on his passion, avoiding those many distractions in Berlin.

And me? Nothing. For the first time, after many months, I simply relax and watch the plants grow in the garden, feed my two stray cats or go off mountain biking. I quit one of the two daily pills - dopamine agonists - in order to avoid getting sick and throwing up all the time. And prefer to limp instead. Got no marathon run ahead, right?

I still haven’t gotten used to my constantly growing pre-menopause belly, but Debo and I have started detoxing since January first, the most famous day to start new challenges. No alcohol and non-processed food, no sugar, no bread but lots of home grown vegetables, wild herbs, weeds ( nettles, wild spinach ) fresh caught fish and fresh eggs from Maya‘s chickens that Deborah is taking care of.

Happy New Year!

Yogis, Farts and Hare Krishna

Catalunya, December 2022

It‘s been the second time, Tamsin and I had come to this remote place in the mountains, to Amara Valley Retreat Center, two hours north from Barcelona. Our greek friend Ioannis and yoga teacher from Formentera was holding a three-day Yoga retreat and Tamsin invited me to come over, before heading off to Portugal.

We already knew the schedule and enjoyed six hours of daily yoga exercises, including breath work, chanting and meditation. I at least tried to chant and meditate but still failed tremendously. Because my main concern laid in improving flexibility and strength. It takes years, actually decades to become a real yogi, yes. But Tamsin and I don’t care as long as we do something good for our bodies and relax our never resting minds. It is actually very difficult to cut off the thoughts and relax for meditation. Especially when your stomach is digesting those yummy vegan and abundant dishes served three times a day. So much plant based protein and fiber to work on, causing lots of air that needs to get out! We all fart around like hell, whenever and where ever.

It reminds me a little of those yoga sessions in the 80ties our mothers took us to, when aged around twelve. Lots of yogis farting or menstruating around, eating brown rice and vegetables and singing Hare Krishna songs. So, nothing has changed really, besides that we are the old farts now!

The sauna sessions in the evenings are relieving. We jump in the ice cold pool after and feel totally renewed and youthful again. Since this spring, I am trying to convince my boyfriend unsuccessfully to build me a sauna in his garden, beside the lettuce and tomato plants. He has other things to build and repair on the house instead, like the solar system or the big well. Territory and housing are entirely self sufficient and sustainable but since there is a lack of sun due to bad weather, the solar panels are too old to keep up with growing energy requirements.

Meanwhile, Tamsin and I, refilled with energy, drive back to Barcelona sunday afternoon to catch up with her hubby and daughters, spending a lovely family evening together.

Next morning I fly to Seville, drive with a rental car three hours to Faro airport and pick up Joseph arriving from Berlin. We will spend a couple of days together checking on the latest building site of our house.

Back to business!

Chickens and Pickles

Formentera, December 2022

It suddenly came up from nowhere. My interest for cooking. I have spend 47 years without any interest at all in it. Absolutely zero. I was rather burning pots and pans when forgetting the boiling artichokes or potatos in them, because something much more interesting gained my attention. I remember once washing a pot with some brown unidentified liquid in it, thinking it was rubbish, and my ex-husband Tammi entering the kitchen with an unidentified expression in his face because I had chucked away his sauce for a „Schweinebraten“ he had been working on and reducing the entire day.

So, the other day I bought a book written by a friend who lives in Formentera, sharing her knowledge about the healthy mediterranean cuisine with all the local products on the island including algae, wild flowers and plants, basically all the flora I come across every day. I devoured every page of it started doing my first yummy dishes. Soups and salads. Deborah was really happy to finally be able to share her passion with me. She adores experimenting in the kitchen and teaches me lots of things. Like yesterday, when preparing pickles and antipasti in olive oil, to be kept in sterilized jars. Jars collected from the public rubbish bins. It is quite a lot of work and takes ages, in comparison to the outcome, but its fun.

The chickens run around the garden and pop by to pick on the beetroot leaves I left on the table, right next to the huge bowl of nettles I collected this morning. I am immun to their stings because, at the age of 5 and 6, my mom had thrown Deborah and me naked into a huge field of nettles to become stronger and fitter. The effect is obvious. I can collect and clean the leaves off the stems with ease for the dinner‘s soup. Soon after, a spectacular sunset finishes the day of labour. What a luxury.

Bon appetit!

We Want Art

Paris, November 2022

The morning I left to Paris to meet up with Tamsin and Paula - her friend and business partner - I did not want to leave the island. Again travelling. Again getting into decent clothing for the big city. Again hopping on an airplane. But I needed an urgent visit to Berlin for a doctor’s appointment and decided to do a stop-over in Paris.

And once there, it was great. Did not realize until then, how much I had missed the glamour and the art overall. We went to see the annual fair for photography Paris Photo in the Grand Palais Ephemere and, although having been away from the scene and current happenings, I had not become rusty yet. Did meet quite a few friends and colleagues such as gallerists, curators, photographers and publishers who I regulary worked or hung out with. But I definitely noticed my handicap and could not spend as much time as I wanted because of my condition. It is tiring to limp around all day. Also, it was packed! Never seen Paris Photo that full. I left the building, happy to feel the sun on my face, away from the crowd to get something to eat in the Marais. I think, next year I will rather visit other photo festivals which are smaller, with access only for professionals and more contemporary work to be seen, although I loved seeing classic art work of photography in real, exhibited Paris.

Where I really felt super rusty was in nightlife business, so did Tamsin and Paula. Although they looked stunning, and could easily deal with the young crowd on the dance floor. As by total coincidence, we had met my friend Jewels - a swedish/russian sword swallower from Berlin - in front Silentio, a cutting-edge club founded by David Lynch, and she put us on the guest list. Jewels had done a show there and was just on her way to another club. We enjoyed entering the black stylish cellar to observe the new generation in their natural habitat, dressed to kill. At start, I thought to see Halloween leftovers- but yeah, that is seemingly the new style. Très chic. The music was a mixture of 80ties and 90ties songs remixed with zippy new layovers on. After a while, we felt a little displaced and left to the other club where Jewels was already waiting for us. Phew! Our age people and a drag queen D-Jane, who is a flight attendant during daytime. The club was on top floor of a hotel with a view over the whole city! Though lights were off, due to energy source restrictions. We had a blast, the girls danced while I watched. No dancing for me anymore as I completely loose balance and coordination. At the end we left around 4 am, just before closing. Enough party for middle-aged women!

Next day we drove in rented e-bikes along the river Seine with sunshine weather. Went to see Alice Neel in the Centre George Pompidou, a remarkable painter, born beginning of last century, who I had never heard of. Feminist and very impressive documentalist of her own time. Lucinda and Edouard had invited us for dinner, and we took pictures in front of the Eiffel Tower by their window, as their apartment is the closest to this industrial iron construction. Edouard never stopped refilling champagne. I think even the leopard must have had some. An evening filled with art, good cuisine and very interesting company.

Tamsin and Paula flew back to Barcelona, whereas I stayed with Lucinda and Edouard in their place, before heading off on a 9-hour train ride Berlin next day. No need for airplane at all.